


The Best Relationship Non-Choices

by NekoVengers (orphan_account)



Series: The Best Relationship Non-Choices [1]
Category: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2714396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/NekoVengers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Then he kissed my forehead again, left his number on my stationary and the fucking longitude and latitude for the coffeehouse down the street.  As well as a time.”  Which, Jason won’t admit was strangely attractive in it’s own right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best Relationship Non-Choices

**Author's Note:**

> Fairly certain I got 'Royfriend' from heartslogos on here.

“I think,” Jason says, and Dick peers up from his Fruit-Loops to see his little brother’s bemused expression, “I think I just got a boyfriend. His name is Roy. He has red hair. I think I just got a _Royfriend_.”

On account of Roy being…something else. Lumping him in with all of Jason’s other relationship non-choices feels criminal— _non_ choices because it just _happens_ godammit—therefore, he is a Royfriend. Dick, suddenly interested in all things Jason, leans in and downright leers and it’s fucking creepy.

“How’d you managed to snag him? Red hair huh? My legacy is being continued then. Tell me about your shiny new boy—Royfriend.” Which, no, just because Dick has a thing for redheads doesn’t mean Jason does. Jason doesn’t—this happened completely without his conscious consent (except for the sex). He continues telling the story anyway, because Dick for all his…is there even a word? Ugh, for all of that—is by far the most emotionally competent of them—he’s the one who could make sense of this mess. Or make shit worse. It’s Dick, after all.

“I went out the night before, got shit-faced, and somehow picked up by this guy.” He does, in fact remember that part, the part where he was an ass and the little fucker just kept _pushing_ —“we went back to my place, had probably the best sex I’ve had with the opposite gender since ever, and when I woke up _he was still there_.” And Jason was spooned, but he just leaves that detail out. “He _kissed my forehead_ and made me _breakfast_. Freaking breakfast. Like he knew where everything was too! I hide my pancake mix dammit. By the way, those pancakes were orgasms in my mouth.”

“I wish I had a camera for this.”

“Then he kissed my forehead _again_ , left his number on my stationary and the fucking _longitude_ and _latitude_ for the coffeehouse down the street. As well as a time.” Which, Jason won’t admit was strangely attractive in it’s own right.

“Did you go?” Dick leers again.

“Hell yeah! Only idiots pass up free food. He bought me coffee and doughnuts and—we talked about how _shitty_ the _Justice System_ is.” Jason is not bouncing in his seat or some adolescent shit like that, he’s sitting with his head in his hands and staring incredulously at the counter while Alfred makes _real_ breakfast. (Cereal is for the weak.)

Tim chooses this moment to meander into the kitchen and spare neither of them so much as a glance. He goes straight for the coffee machine and doesn’t acknowledge them until he’s grabbed a steaming cup and one of Alfred’s crepes is on his plate. Dick bounces in his seat.

“Hey Timmers, guess what?” Tim’s glare could be lethal if he didn’t have the bags from _hell_ under his eyes. “Jay got himself a boyfriend.” Tim grunts. Dick edges closer and Jason whines just a little. “Said boyfriend got him… _coffee_.”

Tim sets down his cup.

Shit just got real.

And Tim, in all sullen I’ll-cut-you-I-just-woke-up seriousness, drags his weighted eyes to Jason and says,

“Marry him.”


End file.
